Wetsuit Required

I clocked in at 21,

and punched out 16 years later

—the Longest Island Ice Tea ever—

and you definitely remember me—

the most beautiful bartender in the world, right?

—schmoozin’ the hackles on your wife

(de-furring)

—defusin’ your once-over

(demurring)

startin’ tabs

& takin’ prisoners

‘til you’re good & pacified, an’

me & the wife are tight

she is

‘til we are all BFFN’s!

(bar friends for now)

Dishin’ the dirt, an’

mixin’ the Mudslides, an’

knockin’ the longnecks

—all high 5’s

“I heard that’s”

and “I love you, man’s”

for a Happy Hour or 6. . .

A charmer this side of Medusa,

my forked tongue & sideways mouth

escape remark in the dim light

(you)

exude

—an’ I get you proper stoned

pour poison in cups

—& cupped ears

(a shuddering burn)

toasting

—and upselling

(smoke rising)

wining

—and slinging bar mix

(dining)

tuning you up

—& tuning you out

that Same Old Story launched for the nth time, but hey!

It’s Tuesday!

Thank God it’s F*cking Tuesday!!

2 for Tuesday!

TGIFT!

as the band starts

—high 5’s lowerin’ for a lil’ grabass

(conversations continue)

at scream level

(important conversations)

“Let’s start first thing tomorrow”

and

“That’s nothin’, check this out”

or

“He’s such a douche”

and

“Me, too!”

a confidant this

>close<

to tell-all,

I gotcher back all the way up ’til the time

I don’t

—the stories heard at witchin’ hour not worth wasted winks

“Make it strong”

(a stale plea)

“Wanna line?”

(oh, please)

“Turn it up!”

(a deafening directive)

cranking lights at 2 am so OR bright

codes crack

masks, too

beer goggles slipping off

along with hook ups, and

Double Vision sets in

—both 5’s clenchin’

now

(fist bumps forgotten)

in the good-nights

(of)

“Outside. Now.”

and

“I’ll kick his motherfuckin’ ass”

or

“Where’s the after party?”

and

“Tell her I left”

Bottled lightning

recapped

— at last call. . .