Archive | RANDOMS RSS feed for this section

$ Prices and Values $


thoughts = 1 penny


luck = 1 penny


opinions = 2 cents


nickel = every time


classified information = dime


stinginess = nickel and dime (perversely enough)


phrases = coin (any denomination)


scholar = dollar


phoniness = 3 dollars


questions = 64,000


state of bliss = million bucks


Best things = free      


Web∙Stir’s Randoms

selfie schtick = everybody’s deal


hue∙morous = the color of funny


win∙terior = seasonal indoor terrain


do∙dull = what you do when you’re bored


Gen re: = the reference generation


bad name for a dentist = Jack Hammer


good name for a dentist = Les Payne


A dentist office should never have the word PULL on it’s in door—only PUSH


in∙se∙fear∙ity complex = when you’re really afraid you’re not good enough


JuJu Bee = good joo joo


Herod = bad joo joo


advice sucks…but add vice is fun!


adverse is bad…but add verse is poetic!


Punctuation Matters

If punctuation was animate,

Underline would be that nosy, gossip person

lurking nearby trying to overhear, and making too much out of things.

Italics would be an exotic foreigner, speaking with an accent, and unfairly favored because of this.

The bolded ones would be fat. Loud-mouthed and opinionated, they would hang out with ampersands: &

Hyphens would be your home-boy, your drinkin’ buddy, and bro’

droppin’ g’s, & comin’ up with the latest slang-thang alla time…

The M dash would be that person who interrupts–in a hurry–to add his two cents.

The exclamation point would take things personally! ‘Would make mountains outta molehills! And twitch! ‘Dropping things from pockets, and dropping more when leaning to retrieve those things!

The period would be boring. ‘Would be a nine-to-fiver, with pens inna breast pocket of a short-sleeved dress blouse.

The question mark would be curious, obviously, perplexed by Q’s, and the philosophical ones would be perplexed by A’s, as well. These would be the long-winded ones, and really? I think that redirection would stem from subconscious resentment of its hump-backed state. . .

and the ellipses would go on and on and on. . .kinda like this. . .not knowing when to stop. . .


Final thought: why doesn’t punctuation incorporate itself into its term?




exc!amation point



ellip. . . ses

. . .


Random Tiny Equation

silverware. . .

sometimes it’s plated

which is ironic,

if you think about it

–like saying an


car is tired,

and sometimes it’s beveled

–which is less funny, and mostly unnecessary–

like a Photoshop filter that perplexes. . .

sometimes forks

have 3 tines,

and sometimes 5,

and I dunno–

I prefer 5 to Trident

so I never gulp it down

by accident.

Sometimes spoons are


and sometimes

spoons are silver,

and sometimes spoons

are sporks!!

my favorite kinda spoon–

since we all knows what comes after spooning. . .


and if you rip open that plastic ware

well, spork you, right?

sometimes knives are


and sometimes

knives are kept

in back

–usually a last minute thing—

but I prefer

chomping at the bits, anyway

/ to cutting up __

since my farce is often lost

in translation,

and no matter how you do

 that math

–you need it to complete the set.


PC Punch

He was afraid of heights

–a tall man—

this was a problem.

She was afraid of small spaces,

–a dwarf—

she felt uneasy in her own skin.

A long-winded gal

–and asthmatic—

even sigh-lens

was loud

–when she was around.

%d bloggers like this: