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$ Prices and Values $

 

thoughts = 1 penny

 

luck = 1 penny

 

opinions = 2 cents

 

nickel = every time

 

classified information = dime

 

stinginess = nickel and dime (perversely enough)

 

phrases = coin (any denomination)

 

scholar = dollar

 

phoniness = 3 dollars

 

questions = 64,000

 

state of bliss = million bucks

 

Best things = free      

 

Web∙Stir’s Randoms

selfie schtick = everybody’s deal

 

hue∙morous = the color of funny

 

win∙terior = seasonal indoor terrain

 

do∙dull = what you do when you’re bored

 

Gen re: = the reference generation

 

bad name for a dentist = Jack Hammer

 

good name for a dentist = Les Payne

 

A dentist office should never have the word PULL on it’s in door—only PUSH

 

in∙se∙fear∙ity complex = when you’re really afraid you’re not good enough

 

JuJu Bee = good joo joo

 

Herod = bad joo joo

 

advice sucks…but add vice is fun!

 

adverse is bad…but add verse is poetic!

 

Punctuation Matters

If punctuation was animate,

Underline would be that nosy, gossip person

lurking nearby trying to overhear, and making too much out of things.

Italics would be an exotic foreigner, speaking with an accent, and unfairly favored because of this.

The bolded ones would be fat. Loud-mouthed and opinionated, they would hang out with ampersands: &

Hyphens would be your home-boy, your drinkin’ buddy, and bro’

droppin’ g’s, & comin’ up with the latest slang-thang alla time…

The M dash would be that person who interrupts–in a hurry–to add his two cents.

The exclamation point would take things personally! ‘Would make mountains outta molehills! And twitch! ‘Dropping things from pockets, and dropping more when leaning to retrieve those things!

The period would be boring. ‘Would be a nine-to-fiver, with pens inna breast pocket of a short-sleeved dress blouse.

The question mark would be curious, obviously, perplexed by Q’s, and the philosophical ones would be perplexed by A’s, as well. These would be the long-winded ones, and really? I think that redirection would stem from subconscious resentment of its hump-backed state. . .

and the ellipses would go on and on and on. . .kinda like this. . .not knowing when to stop. . .

 

Final thought: why doesn’t punctuation incorporate itself into its term?

Example:

a’postrophe

hy-phen

exc!amation point

em–dash

(parentheses)

ellip. . . ses

. . .

et-ce-te-rah

Random Tiny Equation

silverware. . .

sometimes it’s plated

which is ironic,

if you think about it

–like saying an

(old)

car is tired,

and sometimes it’s beveled

–which is less funny, and mostly unnecessary–

like a Photoshop filter that perplexes. . .

sometimes forks

have 3 tines,

and sometimes 5,

and I dunno–

I prefer 5 to Trident

so I never gulp it down

by accident.

Sometimes spoons are

plastic,

and sometimes

spoons are silver,

and sometimes spoons

are sporks!!

my favorite kinda spoon–

since we all knows what comes after spooning. . .

forking—

and if you rip open that plastic ware

well, spork you, right?

sometimes knives are

visible,

and sometimes

knives are kept

in back

–usually a last minute thing—

but I prefer

chomping at the bits, anyway

/ to cutting up __

since my farce is often lost

in translation,

and no matter how you do

 that math

–you need it to complete the set.

 

PC Punch

He was afraid of heights

–a tall man—

this was a problem.

She was afraid of small spaces,

–a dwarf—

she felt uneasy in her own skin.

A long-winded gal

–and asthmatic—

even sigh-lens

was loud

–when she was around.

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