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that can be…ah…ranged

rainrain

if it feels like rain, and

you need an

um

brella

make sure it has an

er

gonomic handle,

since that is

uh

tterly the best way to protect your joints!

but don’t get

ah

head of yourself.

 

get a second

oh!

pinion.

check the weather channel out, first.

umbrella_tattered_in_rain

 

Running Randoms

Fish_jumps_4

what’s the best job for an egocentric pescatarian to have?

sell fish

 

you can say what you want about the mafia, but one thing’s indisputable:

A Don Is always good-looking.

 

Sure, Betty’s a wino but at least

Her’coolies are strong.

 

what do you call a mean comedian’s set?

hah-stylings

 

ever wonder why the Bible doesn’t fudge page

666

the way hotels lose the 13th floor?

Randoms 7

Resi-doodle = Cheetos grit on fingertips

yuck-a-mole = guacamole-like product at Taco Bell.

Toxic Hell = Taco Bell

PC = Pandora’s Box

BFDA = Monsanto’s BF’s

BFBI = BF in FBI

sheeple = mob (mentality)

Hippo-critter = A person whose view adjusts according to private or public arena. In context: “The now famous remark about the worthless 47% shows Mitt Romney as the Hippo-critter he is.”

bore-tender = host of any large group of people. May or may not involve alcohol.

internet = expanding dislike to the global level

writer of yore = introvert; learned; imaginative; studious

writer of today = computer owner

LOLSD = Laughing out loud…and tripping!

network account = no accountability (or) NA = NA…further: Na-na-na-na-boo-boo

Chicken & Egg: polluted in the head by computer—polluted in the computer by the head

NFL Refs = No Fair Looking; Not For Long; No Fair Laughing

Zuckerberg Fun Fact: breaks down to Sugar Mountain in German (“zucker” being sugar, and “berg” being mountain) Whaddayaknow. We can all stay on Sugar Mountain forever.

A.K.A. Randoms

 

adoption: option to add one

 

hear about the jilted bride? her wedding went off without a hitch

 

Heads up: this tongue in cheek verse will blow your mind

 

when is a lime a pair? when there are 2 of them

when is a lime a pare? when it’s a’peeling

when is a lime au pair? when it’s a British nanny

 

Hall of Flame = where ex-lovers live

 

badly thought out body art = urban scrawl

dew bag = buttercup

deuce bag = mutt mitt

douche bag = poorly constructed boda bag

 

meme – all about me me (me)

 

slimey smiley <<same graphemes a coincidence?

 

Ran’doms With It

 

If you walk on a treadmill backward, do you mill·tread?

 

hue-manatee = the color of sea cows

 

best fruit for a horse: appaloosa

 

be PC—don’t say “I acted like a retard” say: “I acted like a handicapped person”

 

Q: what’s full of booze but still good-looking?

A: a boo-ti-full ghost.

 

Is it coincidence boot-shaped Italy makes awesome shoes?

 

flower power = lackadaisical

 

If you get many feathers in your cap, is your cap a headdress?

 

God made some people from a mold—that’s why they’re so rotten

 

Random Observations

eff

welcome to facebook—an oxymoron

 

saltless saltines = Justine. A bad crack-ah.

 

Q: do Christians eat lamb?

 

Born Agains–Die Harder

 

Q: how did the pharmacological student feel at commencement?
A: adder-tude of grad-i-tude

 

Land of Nod = where church is

 

if you don’t care whether you become limber doing yoga, take karma yoga.

 

if you undercook your soy product, don’t worry. it’s only tempeh-rary

 

why isn’t delight belight? It sounds just the opposite of what it is…I’m belighted to see you, ergo so sad & delighted when you leave…

light bulb

 

 

Randoms

It’s high-time the RANDOMS category of CHARRON’s CHATTER was updated from the BUMPER STICKER’s category to a full category of it’s own, because it’s become such a favorite to revisit & re-imagine this past year. At least this big a favorite: /———————————/ & stats like those don’t lie.

Random Chart

chart_trend

you can’t fudge this chart!

Impressive, right? And completely specific, besides, I invite you click a post at Randoms—pocket full of why—and find everything from overdue acronyms, to wordplays & rhymes, to parodies & thoughts disjointed enough to feature 4 & 20 blackbirds baked in a pie…

blackbirdpie

gif courtesy of: Sevenoaks Art

A posted pie, actually, and at super low temperature, too, so more “steam-roomed” in a pie. A spa day for the birds, really, and what about that? There aren’t many sites partial to chickens, blackbirds, sarcasm and words. (Random Fact) Best of all, every one of the verbal non-sequiturs you’ll read here are the original creation of myself, with the exception of a properly accredited quote or two. I’ll finish this particular creation by being less than random (and more than tedious) by reminding you to venture there from the link posted below, or from the tab in the banner menu.

Have fun in Left Field!!

Randoms

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